..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
