This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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