take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
