I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
