Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
