dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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