i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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