I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
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