he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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