i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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