3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
