Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
We were destined to go to rehab together
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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