I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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