Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize