i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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