we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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