the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
