I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
