sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
