Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
