If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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