Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Randomize
