OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
