Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
