I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I did the seizure Bad Romance dance again last night, didn't I?
you were really good actually. your skill is increasing over time
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
