i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'll send you pictures of my nipples so you don't feel left out.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
