Pregnant stripper...not hot.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
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