Do you still have your period?
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
