On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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