i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
