He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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