I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
according to the calendar even that i put in my phone last night, i'm supposed to fuck shit up at 11am today... i really hope i didn't miss something important
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
