I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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