i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
The Olympian is in my bed
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
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