well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
