my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
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