Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
