It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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