peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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