dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
she smelled like a LAN party
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
Randomize
