Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
