I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
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