oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
