Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
Randomize