why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
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