her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
