last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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