what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I have aggressive nipples.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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