So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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