So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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