the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
