i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
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