Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
