I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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