I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
why do cheetos always look like penises
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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