why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
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