there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
