how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize