how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Randomize
