just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
