He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
