and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
How does it feel to date your dad?
What happened last night?
Lets just say you asked me a couple times if you had eyeballs..
Randomize
