Swine flu. Run for my life!
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
