And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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