I'm gonna have a badass scar
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
