Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
