I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Randomize
