So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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