The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
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