i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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